Phillip Retuta's Blog

The Life and Times of a Filipino-American

Archives for April 2020

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April Podcast Roundup.

Since the lockdown, I’ve entertained myself with podcasts. Often, when I was at work or if I’m cleaning on the weekends, I’d pop open a podcast and multitask. Something about listening to some stories and executing chores makes me feel like I’m spending my time well. Also, considering our respective situations, sometimes we need a good laugh in times of shitshows.

Here’s what I’ve been to:

The Neighborhood Listen | Listen via Stitcher for Podcasts

The Neighborhood Listen
Listen on Stitcher Premium (there’s a paywall)
Hosted by Broadway star Nicole Parker and one of my favorite comedians, Paul F. Tompkins (with support by Man Man’s/Earwolf’s sound engineer, Brett Morris), it’s a parody of the Nextdoor app that uses actual posts for improv material. There’s nothing more enjoyable than Tompkins’ laugh when he breaks character, and this podcast even made me download the Nextdoor app for my neighborhood (which, in my opinion, is pretty much filled with awful NIMBY’s).

A Funny Feeling
Listen of Headum
Everyone knows I love paranormal shit, so when I discovered this podcast by improv comedian Betsy Sodaro and Brooklyn 99 writer Marcy Jarreau, I was able to combine my fascination for the spooky and my appreciation for comedy. I always enjoy a good ghost story or documentary, but when you add the wit and wonderfully raspy voice of Sodaro, you get one of my favorite podcasts ever.

Two Old Queens
Listen on Spotify
Comedians John Flynn and Mark Rennie search for the gayest movie of all time. I love the premise: they review a movie and interview a guest, and the three of them score the movie based off categories from previous guests (ie, “How much broken glass?” or “Over the top entrances”). I think Muppets in Manhattan is up there with the category, “How Much Felt?”

Stay F. Homekins
Listen on Spotify
Can’t you tell I love Paul F. Tompkins? This podcast started when the lockdowns started, and he and his wife Janie Haddad Tompkins just give weekly updates on their lives. It’s your usual take on being quarantined, except that you’re also comedians and in the entertainment business in LA. Their chemistry as a couple is charming, and they share humorous stories about their weeks and small tidbits about their pasts. If you want to know more details about some of my favorite comedians’ lives, it’s worth giving this podcast a listen.

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The Bureaucracy of the Unemployment Loop.

Day 41 of self-isolation.

As of writing this post, 26 million Americans have filed for unemployment. And like many Americans, I was furloughed three weeks ago.

About 90% of my office was furloughed, but luckily myself and a very small handful of us were temporarily relegated from full-time to part-time employees (others were completely furloughed or laid off). I don’t blame my job at all for their decision, since there are so many companies and businesses experiencing the same fucking thing. Still, having my salary cut in half is financially devastating (especially living in New York), and we were encouraged to file for partial unemployment.

I applied last Monday on the web, and was taken to a “Submission Confirmed” page. Cool, right? I even received a confirmation email that I’ll get a call from the unemployment office in 72 hours. It’s been one week, and I have not gotten one phone call. What’s worse, a few days after applying, the New York State Department of Labor sent a followup email stating that I need to answer more questions or my application will get rejected. They provided a link in the email, but each time I click it, it just leads me to the same “Submission Confirmed” page I received when I first applied:

A loop of futility and financial sadness.

Every single fucking day, I login to the Department of Labor website, only to automatically get redirected to that goddamn “Submission Confirmed” page. I can only imagine the majority of people in New York are experiencing the same or similar difficulties.

Fortunately, I have enough money saved to pay for my May rent and utilities. It’s the end of that month that’s giving me some financial anxiety. Despite being partially furloughed, I calculated that it would take 3 part-time paychecks (equivalent to 6 weeks worth of work) just to barely pay my rent — not including bills or necessities like food. New York City is a wonderful place, but it’s so expensive to live here. Covid-19 has crippled this city in terms of hospitalizations, subsequent deaths, and the economy. And with the flood of millions of people applying for unemployment, the government and the technology it relies on are overwhelmed. It really wouldn’t surprise me that after all of this has passed, only self-made millionaires who already entered this pandemic as wealthy will remain in this city — surrounded, not by small businesses or restaurants, but by Chase Banks, Starbucks, and nearly-empty condos.

So here I am, stuck in the bureaucracy of an unemployment loop, financially uncertain of what’s going to happen tomorrow. Since I’m the only active designer in my office (aside from the senior creative director), I’m hoping I’ll get reinstated full-time again and still work from home. I’m really hoping they’ll be a statewide rent-freeze, and my bills can go on a temporary forbearance. Till then, I’ll keep on clicking that email link, hoping the government will approve my application, and thinking I can survive another day.

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Recipe: Fermentation Sunday.

I decided to create kombucha and a sourdough starter today, now that I have the appropriate equipment of hermetic jars, bread pans, and a kitchen scale. For intents and purposes, the following recipes is a hodgepodge of recipes I’ve seen online and from friends, and I decided to write about it here so I have an easier time finding the steps.

SOURDOUGH STARTER:

Day 1: Measure 113g of whole wheat flour and 113g of cool water. Combine in a jar — for me, I decided to use one of those latched hermetically-sealed jars. Mix the flour and the water till fully combined, and close the lid (but don’t seal/latch it; air needs to get in). Leave the jar at room temperature for 24 hours. I also marked the jar with the date, so I can keep track of the days.

Day 2: If there is any brown liquid, discard immediately; keep doing that each day, if necessary. That brown liquid means the starter is hungry! Scoop out 1/2 a cup of the starter and discard. Next, add 1/2 a cup of all-purpose flour and 1/2 a cup of cool water, and mix thoroughly.

Day 3: By now, bubbles should be forming and the starter should have a sweet, aromatic smell of yeast. The starter should have also doubled in size. At this point, it’s time to “feed” your starter twice a day: discard any brown liquid, remove half a cup of the yeast, feed it 1/2 a cup of water and 1/2 a cup of all-purpose flour, and mix. Repeat this 12 hours later. It also helps to mark the jar with a rubber band or a Sharpie, so you can also track the rise and fall of the starter.

Day 4 & 5: Again — twice a day — discard any brown liquid, discard 1/2 a cup of the starter, and feed it 1/2 a cup of all-purpose flour and 1/2 cup of water. The starter should continue to bubble and double in volume.

Day 6: The starter should require one last feeding, so repeat the process of discarding and adding flour and water. The starter is ready if a spoonful of it floats in a cup of water.

Storing the Starter: You can keep the jar of starter in the fridge, thereby slowing the growth of the yeast. Just be sure to discard any brown liquid, and feed it once a week by discarding 1/2 a cup of the starter, and giving it 1 cup of all-purpose flour and 1/2 a cup of water.

KOMBUCHA:

For this, you’ll need the following:

  • 1/2 gallon of water (or 8 cups)
  • 3-4 tea bags of either green tea or black tea
  • 1/3 cup of sugar
  • 1/2 cup of plain, already made kombucha
  • 1 SCOBY disc (Symbiotic Community of Bacteria and Yeast)

  1. Simmer the water and dissolve the sugar.
  2. Steep the teabags for 10 to 15 minutes.
  3. Remove the teabags (I used the ground tea as fertilizer for my garden) and allow the mixture to cool to room temperature.
  4. Add the cooled mixture to a large container. Add the kombucha and the SCOBY disc (thanks, Morgan).
  5. Cover the top of the container with a paper coffee filter and a rubber band.
  6. Store the mixture in a dark, clean, and coolish place, away from any light. I put it in a pillowcase and placed it underneath my kitchen table, but if I had a closet that wasn’t full of shit, I’d put it there.
  7. Wait for two weeks as the mixture ferments and carbonates. Congrats, you just made a SCOBY Hotel!

I’ll probably post more recipes using these starters, so stay tuned.

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COVID-19 and a Birthday Retrospective.

Day 39 of self-isolation.

Today is my 37th birthday, and I must admit that the current situation of social distancing and self-quarantine gives me some emotional reprieve — especially on this day.

Let me preface that I’m an INFJ.

Outwardly, I may appear as a very social person, but inside my own head, I like being alone and truly dislike having attention drawn onto me. I’ve noticed when I make something I’m proud of and seeking attention, no one cares — but when I’m being myself, I feel unwanted attention is brought onto me. For instance, when I’m in a social situation (particularly one where I have no control over the environment and not hosting), I remain withdrawn and quiet in order to not draw criticism or judgement. My friends like to tease me a lot, and if I talk I get made fun of; if I’m quiet, people wonder what’s wrong. It’s a dumb situation, and hence — as a sensitive guy — I like being alone.

By nature, despite whatever anyone fucking says, I’m a very shy individual. I’ve grown up very withdrawn, attached to my parents’ side at the parties they go to. Throughout elementary school to undergrad, I was always a quiet, introspective student (it wasn’t until grad school and living in New York that I started to break out of my shell). Even today, in group chats, I merely observe the conversations and chime in when personally needed or addressed. It’s these social situations that make me feel awkward, and I reflect to who I was in the past. I use social media (and very much this blog) to give a glimpse of who I am — although I just use Facebook now for animal memes and cute pet photos.

I feel slightly uncomfortable when people sing “Happy Birthday,” and my own emotional baggage makes me feel like I don’t deserve anything nice, much less a day or a few hours devoted to me. Certainly, I’m guilty of giving the special treatment to others on their own birthdays, but my personal psychological characterization thinks “why would I deserve this? Nothing about me merits anything.” I’m a kind, creative guy who gives more than he takes, for sure, but everyone has their internalized flaws. It’s definitely all about self-confidence, something everyone knows I’m somewhat lacking.

So how do I tolerate my own birthday when friends decide to celebrate it? The answer is alcohol; I allow my inhibitions and self-loathing to drown in a glass of whiskey. I’m not much of a drinker, per se, but I will have a drink or two in most social situations. I won’t drink when I’m alone, but at a party, hand me something on the rocks or a glass of wine. Substance escapism is indeed a way to relieve whatever dumb anxieties I have.

And that leads me to today, where everyone is forced to stay away from each other, and I don’t have to physically be anywhere with anyone. By the time this is posted, I’ll be in the middle of a Zoom party with friends near and far celebrating my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment of my friends wanting to get together, and I’m grateful that technology and the social etiquette of our current situation can allow me to remain silent or even momentarily step away; I won’t have to solely carry a conversation, and there are enough tiny little screens that people might not notice if I disappear for a second or two. This year’s birthday, I feel, will be a great one. My primary concern, though, is that it’s going to be a roast, and I’ve told a few people I have a few apprehensions. Even if they’re going to be entertained at my expense, I have enough emotional fortitude to tolerate it (it’ll help that I’ll have a bourbon with me). I love my friends, but my mild social anxiety and my overall disposition of “not being good enough” tends to make me strive for creative isolation — to be alone in self-reflection and improve my artistic skills and imaginative ideas.

Despite this pandemic and my personal (albeit flawed) rationales, being 37 doesn’t feel too different from when I was 36 or even when I was 25. There are a lot of goals I still want to accomplish, and even at this age, I feel I’m not at the level I want to be: I want to have a better job and not have to worry about money; I want to have a wife and kids and a stable home. I want the worries I have about the people I care about to resolve themselves, and in turn make me feel so less co-dependent. I still have a lot to work on myself. Thankfully, I think my coping and emotional skills have come a long way from even last year, and I’m ready to give rational advice and emotional support to anyone who needs it. I’ve lost a lot of weight, too, and I’m making better lifestyle choices, with a goal to be at a reasonable weight by the end of spring.

Who the fuck knows what is going to happen within the next year, when I turn 38 and when things in our world are hopefully better. Nevertheless, I can look back at this post, on the edge of this apocalypse, and see who a younger Phillip Retuta was.

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Drawin’ and Animatin’.

Day 37 of self-isolation.

One of the few blessings of being confined to my apartment and working from home is that I’m able to pickup and resume some old projects and ideas. For instance, I’ve been drawing again.

I can’t recall the last time I picked up a pencil and a pen, but it feels good to sketch. It may have been years since I’ve drawn something, so as I was inking some sketches for a video project I want to work on, my hands (and thus lines) were a little shaky. Still, there’s a sense of therapy just to create something outside of a computer screen.

What I’m currently drawing right now is for a long postponed Nico video, which would include a few animations. I shot footage before Nico passed, but as I was coping with her death and life got too busy, I put off the project. With everything at a weird standstill now, resuming this and other projects is keeping me sane. Ironically, I do need to find or record little, high-pitched screams.

Stay tuned!