I’ve been listening to Jimmy Eat World’s 2004 album, Futures, today. It’s bringing back a lot of memories of undegrad, and when it was first released it inspired me to produce a series for my first photography class:
The combination of emo-pop and looking at these photos are bringing back those feelings of both being creative and inherently lonely: when Futures came out, I lost contact with some of my best friends, and I struggled with school and family. My head simply wasn’t in a good place, but it lead me to the path of being an artist and designer as a career. To me, loneliness and creativity go hand-in-hand: I’m at my most inspired and do my favorite work when I halt all social interactions. Now, at 32, I’m especially too busy with my job, my time is limited, and a few number of my friends are acting like bullies. I lost the desire to make things and, on the time I had left outside making money, I got too caught up with going out or stressing over menial chores. I didn’t want to be alone, I wanted to support myself financially, I wanted to have the clean house with the nice things — that combination halted whatever desire I had to draw or write or do anything for my emotional enrichment. With no outlet, I began to sink into depression.
I think I’m going to continue doing my own thing and focusing solely on being creative. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been properly maintaining and updating not only this blog, but my Instagram, my dog’s Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter, and some other social media outlets. I’ve been drawing again. And of course, I’ve been writing. These are the ways to get my head clear, and they make me feel that whatever free time I have is being utilized properly. I’m producing work instead of just going out to a bar or restaurant with friends or hanging around someone’s apartment. I’m feeding my soul.
Being a loner or recluse has its benefits, and it’s inspiring.